In conclusion, I want to extend my sincere best wishes to all of my opponents, Republican and Democrat, and to state that, in the unlikely event I am not elected, I will support whoever is, even if it is Sen. John Kerry, who once came, with his entourage, into a ski-rental shop in Ketchum, Idaho, where I was waiting patiently with my family to rent snowboards, and Sen. Kerry used one of his lackeys to flagrantly barge in line ahead of us and everybody else, as if he had some urgent senatorial need for a snowboard, like there was about to be an emergency meeting, out on the slopes, of the Joint Halfpipe Committee. I say it's time for us, as a nation, to put this unpleasant incident behind us. I know that I, for one, have forgotten all about it. That is how fair and balanced I am.
This story is from Dave Barry's September 14, 2003 column, "Staying Fair and Unbalanced in the Election Season," which unfortunately is only available for pay.
Update: In case you missed it, I mentioned Dave Barry's own presidential candidacy below.
Update: Welcome, Corner readers. Although you're just here for the Dave Barry story, you may want to check out the FMA alternative debate between myself and Doc Rampage.
New Post: Dave Barry's Research Assistant responded to my e-mail, and I pass on the facts above. Plus, I share where the column is still available for free.